


Too Broken For Steve

by DesertBluffBlood, FallenBridesmaid



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, M/M, TW: cutting, TW:Suicide, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertBluffBlood/pseuds/DesertBluffBlood, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenBridesmaid/pseuds/FallenBridesmaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He'd told Steve everything. /Everything/ there was to know about the real Tony Stark. He had told him about the depression, the cutting, all five of the suicide attempts, everything. Steve had said it was "too much for him" and had promptly left and said he was never coming back. Tony had ordered Jarvis to shut off all the phones, lock every door and window,and to make sure no one could get to him before locking himself in the bathroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tony stood in front of the mirror  in his personal bathroom, door locked, tears streaming down his face. He had done it. He'd told Steve everything. /Everything/ there was to know about the real Tony Stark. He had told him about the depression, the cutting, all five of the suicide attempts, everything. Steve had said it was "too much for him" and had promptly left and said he was never coming back. Tony had ordered Jarvis to shut off all the phones, lock every door and window,and to make sure no one could get to him before locking himself in the bathroom.   
  
Now he was standing in front of the mirror, full bottle of sleeping pills mixed with OxyContin in one hand, a new razor blade in the other.  This time, he knew he couldn't fail at killing himself. He had at least three sure fire ways to commit suicide.    
  
He had turned on the water in the tub and filled it to the brim. Tony popped the top off the pill bottle and swallowed a few handfuls before the bottle was empty. He  let the bottle roll into the sink.   
  
Tony gripped his razor tightly and walked over to the bathtub.  He slipped easily into the water and settled into it. He turned his left arm over so the vein was facing upwards. For a moment, Tony stared at all the pale white scars that marked the skin. He placed the blade at the crook of his arm, right over top of his vein, and slid it down all the way to his wrist and back. He kept going back and forth, up and down his arm until he was sure it was deep enough. He did the same to the other arm and by the time he was finished, his eyelids were heavy as lead and the water had turned deep red.   
  
Tony knew there was no way in hell anyone could possibly save him or even get to him before it was too late. He smiled as his blood drained out and was still smiling when he slipped into unconsciousness. He slowly slipped under the water as he slept. It took only forty five minutes before it all killed him. The drugs, the blood loss, and the drowning had killed him. He had drowned in his own blood in the end.   
  
He was found the next morning by Bruce. There had been a note posted on the door. It had read; 'I can't live without Steve in my life. It's worthless without him. Tell him I'm sorry I'm so broken. Too broken for him. -Tony'


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Steve! Don't blame yourself." Bruce said. He tried opening the door, but it was still locked. "Steve, open the door," he commanded. "Or I will break it down."
> 
> "Break it down. See if I care." Steve told him. The door was made of steel and probably wouldn't move an inch even if Bruce hulked out on it.

Bruce stood there shocked for a moment, not believing his eyes. Was this a suicide note? Steve had left Tony? The scientist ordered Jarvis to unlock the door. He swung open the bathroom door and stopped dead in his tracks. There in the bathtub lay Tony's lifeless body. His arms were sliced to shreds and the tub was filled with blood. The worst part was his face; he looked peaceful. Tony had never had an expression that even resembled any form of peace in his life. It broke Bruce's heart that the only way his friend had found peace was in death. The brunette wiped a tears from the corners of his eyes as he said "JARVIS? Call the Avengers, tell them to come quickly." 

"Yes sir." Jarvis' mechanical voice replied sorrowfully. The AI sent a message to everyone's phones. 'Dr.Banner requires your presence immediately.' 

About twenty minutes later, Steve was running through the tower looking for Bruce with the others right behind him. 

"Um... I don't really don't know how to tell you this, but... " Bruce stuttered out nervously. He had walked back into the bedroom, no longer having the nerve to bear seeing Tony's body. Bruce read the note aloud, almost breaking into tears as he read it. Tony was his best friend, they had hung out all the time. Whether it was working together in the lab or just simply enjoying each others company.  
Bruce watched all of their reactions, focusing on Steve. 

Natasha had silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she ran out of the room. She couldn't bear to see Tony's body. Clint and Pepper ran after her. Steve stood there stoically, trying to process Bruce's words. Tony was dead? Because of him? It didn't make any sense to Steve's mind. 

"I'm sorry, Steve." Bruce apologized solemnly. Steve nodded numbly at him.  
Thor frowned. "This will be a sad day on Midgard." He hugged Steve tightly. The blonde just stood there, barely even registering the demigod's touch.  
"Go find Natasha, Thor. Make sure she's okay..." He sighed.

"Yes Captain of America." Thor nodded, walking off to find her.  
"Are you okay? I know it's a stupid question but..." Bruce asked.  
Steve swallowed thickly and managed a half smile. "Yeah. I'm okay." He nodded. No, he wasn't okay. He had just found out his boyfriend committed suicide because of him. Of course he wasn't fucking okay. Nevertheless, he had told Bruce he was, hoping the other man would just leave him alone to grieve. 

"Are you sure? What happened last night, before...?" Bruce questioned, gesturing toTony's body.

"I-He told me about everything and how broken he was. I couldn't help him. He was too broken. I left. I walked away and I didn't look back until I got the text this morning..." Steve confessed, tears welling up in his eyes. "It's my fault, Bruce. He's dead because I left!" He cried out. Screw trying to be the stoic rock that everyone else needed. His boyfriend was fucking dead and he deserved to breakdown. 

"Steve... It's not your fault. You didn't make him do it." Bruce comforted. The scientist could never understand this. What did he know about losing his boyfriend to suicide? Nothing because Clint was still alive. Clint hadn't committed suicide because of him. 

"It is though! Don't you understand? I told him he was too broken and then I left him!! He was unstable to begin with and I just pushed him over the edge!!!" Steve screamed. "Tony's dead because of me!!! I'm a fucking terrible person!" Steve fell to his knees crying, fuck /sobbing/ would be more accurate. "It's all my fault!" He howled. 

"Tony may have been unstable, and then you broke up with him. But it's not /your/ fault." Bruce sighed. Way to be blunt. 

"By the way he was talking to me before I left, I was the only thing that mattered to him. I was the one thing he was living for and I /left him/." Steve growled. He was pissed off. It was his fault and he absolutely loathed himself for it. Did Bruce not understand that?  
"I was his only reason to live and when I was gone, so was he! Don't you understand?" The super soldier yelled. 

"I understand, but its not all your fault." Bruce sighed irritably. Everything would be so much easier if Steve would just calm down. He knew the other man was most likely regretting everything he said last night but that didn't mean he had to scream about it. 

"It's my fault. All of it. Everything I said probably screamed that I didn't care about him." Steve said, regret evident in his voice. Greif was a strange thing, the blonde had gone from guilty to pissed off to guilty again in a matter of seconds. 

"Steve... I don't know what to say other then sorry." Bruce offered. He seriously wasn't good at dealing with emotional Steve at all. 

"Sorry isn't going to bring him back, now is it." Steve spat bitterly. Guilty to bitter. Bitterness never did suit the blonde. 

"No... No not really." Bruce sighed. "But I don't know how to bring him back. I don't think I can."

Steve looked up at Bruce with an expression that was a cross between resignation and glaring. "Of course you can't. He's dead." He bit out. 

Bruce nodded. "I know... Like I said, I'm sorry." How many times did he have to apologize. Yes he was sorry for the loss of Tony, but Steve wasn't the only one effected by it. 

Steve sighed. "Just..just leave me alone for awhile..." Oh look, sorrow was kicking in. That's always fun. 

Bruce nodded. "Okay Steve." He said as he walked off, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he went. 

As soon as Bruce was gone and had shut the door, Steve ordered Jarvis to lock him in the room. 

"Yes sir." the AI responded. The door locked with a loud click. The sound was loud enough that Bruce heard it and came back to the door and tried the knob. "Steve!" He called. "Let me in!"

Steve sighed and looked around Tony's bedroom, not even bothering to answer his teammate. The bedroom itself was tidy, though the sheets on the bed were a little wrinkled from where Tony must have slept at least once. His book shelf was crammed full ofscience and technology books, a few of which were scattered about on his desk. There was a t-shirt lying on the foot of the bed Steve was suddenly slapped in the face by how much he missed Tony. He got up from the floor and walked over to the bed before discarding his own shirt in favor of Tony's old one. He slipped the AC/DC shirt over his head and was hit with the sudden realization that he'd never get to smell Tony again. The shirt smelt like Tony;oil and cheap whiskey and Steve was determined to keep the shirt smelling like Tony for however long he had left. He knew it wasn't long-probably no more than an hour or two- but still. 

Bruce tried knocking on the door. "You okay, Steve?" He asked instead of shouting at him. 

"I'm never going to be okay. Not really..." Steve whispered to himself. He was sure Bruce didn't hear him.  
"I'm fine!" He yelled through the door to Bruce. 

"Okay. Nat's okay... I guess. When you're ready you can come cheer her up." The scientist suggested. 

"Hey Bruce, do you think she could handle losing someone else?" Steve asked nervously. 

"I don't know... Why?" Bruce asked nervously. If Steve was planning on following Tony, Bruce would have to kill him himself. The selfish bastard would actually force the team to have to go through the pain of losing someone else on the same day when they hadn't even gotten started grieving Tony? Bruce was definitely going to kill him. 

"I think she's going to have to deal with it..." The super soldier responded hesitantly. He wasn't hesitant to leave, he just didn't want Bruce to bust the door down before he got the chance to off himself. 

"Steve... You wouldn't...." Bruce growled. He was seriously going to leave them too. Weren't the rest of them important to Steve? Didn't he care at all? Apparently he only cared about his dead boyfriend.

"Why wouldn't I? I have nothing left to live for. Tony's dead. Why shouldn't I be too?" Steve challenged. 

Bruce gasped. "Okay, no... Steve we need you." He said honestly. Steve was the leader of the team, the one they took orders from. In times of trouble, Steve was the most rationale and always advised the best plan to get them all out safely. They needed him to stay for the sake of their lives. 

"No you don't." Steve told him. "You know damn well anyone else could lead the team. If anyone needs anything they could come to you. I'm not going to be any help to anyone anymore. All I'll be doing is despairing over Tony and drowning my sorrow in liquor," The blonde was brutally honest with Bruce. "It's better for everyone if I'm gone. I'll be happier if I'm dead like Tony."

"Steve, don't say that! We do need you. Tony wouldn't want you to do this!" Bruce protested, trying to convince the blonde he had others who cared for him. 

"Well doing what Tony wants is never what I've been good at." Steve replied harshly. "He wanted me to stay last night and I didn't and that's the whole reason we're in this mess!"

"Steve! Don't blame yourself." Bruce said. He tried opening the door, but it was still locked. "Steve, open the door," he commanded. "Or I will break it down."

"Break it down. See if I care." Steve told him. The door was made of steel and probably wouldn't move an inch even if Bruce hulked out on it. 

"Steve!" The brunette shouted. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He couldn't lose his temper when he needed to help his friend. 

Steve didn't even bother yelling back at him. 

"Steve. Let. Me. In." The scientist demanded through gritted teeth, forcing calmness into his voice. 

"No."Steve replied stubbornly. Why would he open the door? He hadn't even thought of how he was going to kill himself yet. If he opened the door, Bruce would carry him off to S.H.I.E.L.D. to have Fury babysit him or have doctors watch him. There was no way he could even think about following Tony then. 

"Steve. What are you thinking. You don't need to be doing this." Bruce berated him. 

"I haven't done anything yet." Steve assured him. As soon as he actually found something he could use he'd end his life. He knew Tony didn't keep guns in his room so he couldn't blow his brains out. Tony had swallowed all the pills so there was nothing left to overdose on. The only thing he could think of was the razor his boyfriend had slit his wrists with, but that seemed.../wrong/ to use. 

Bruce sighed. "Then let me in." He tried to convince. He had already lost Tony to suicide, he didn't need to lose another friend. He didn't think the Avengers could bear losing another close friend. 

"Not a chance." Steve refused to let the other interfere with his plans. The blonde wandered around the room, looking for a different razor blade or possibly some rope. There was a ceiling fan near the door and Steve could use the desk chair to jump from. He only needed rope to hang himself. The super soldier dropped to the floor and looked under the bed. Aside from a few boxes filled with notebooks and blueprints, there wasn't anything under there. 

"Just... Steve..." The scientist tried again. It looked like he wasn't going to get Steve out of the room. Great. Just great. 

Steve turned his head toward the door as he pushed himself up off the floor. "You're not going to talk me out of it, Bruce." The blonde stated before walking over to the bookcase and pulling out books. He flipped through a couple of them, looking to see if Tony had hollowed out any to hide blades in. 

"Steve, you're not gonna find anything." Bruce pointed out, hearing the dull thump as Steve set a pile of books on the floor. 

"How would you know?" Steve huffed as he thumbed through another science book. When it proved to be whole and intact, he set it down and picked up another. 

"Steve! You can't do this! Yes, you'll never be over it! None of us will!" Bruce told him harshly. The brunette was done trying to be nice and calm with Steve. One of his best friends had just offed himself and now another was trying to do the same. He was fucking /allowed/ to be pissed. "Just open the damn door!"

"It's different for me, Bruce!" Steve yelled back at him. "It was me who pushed him to do it, not you. Not Natasha, not Clint or Thor or Pepper; Me." The blonde gave up looking through the bookcase and left the last book on the shelf before going to the dresser. "I killed my boyfriend so I think I'm entitled to kill myself also!"

Bruce shook his head, sighing deeply.

 

Something on the dresser caught the blonde's eye. There was a little square wooden box sitting atop of the dresser, partially hidden behind a picture of Tony and himself. 

The picture had been taken when Thor had insisted they go to the beach. Tony and Steve were sitting on a blanket in the sand under a large purple umbrella. Tony hadn't wanted to get the tan grains of sand all over him so he was sitting on Steve's lap, one arm around the blonde's neck. The other arm was tangled up with Steve's arm, clutching his hand loosely. The two were smiling brightly in the photograph. 

Steve smiled at the memory despite himself. He knew he'd never get to experience anything like that ever again. He'd never get to hold Tony's hand again, never get to hear him complain about the sand or have him in his lap. The fact that Tony was seriously never coming back just gave Steve all the determination to just end it all. He set the picture frame to the side and retrieved the small box.

All Bruce heard was silence from the other side of the door. What if Steve was dead already? "Steve?!" he asked with concern. 

Steve paid no mind to Bruce, choosing to pick up the box rather than answer his friend. He carried the wooden box to Tony's bed and sat down, placing it in his lap. The box had felt heavy in his hands. He opened the box carefully and laid the lid beside him. The box had soft black lining. It had looked empty at first glance but Steve felt around in it and discovered a false bottom. He set it next to the lid before turning his attention back to the box. Inside the box sat a small thin journal and under it, a pack of razor blades and a .22 handgun. Steve had found his way out. 

Bruce panicked. "Steve!" He called. "Open the door!" 

Steve decided that ignoring Bruce was the bet thing at this point. He was a dead man anyway, what would refusing verbally to open the door change? Nothing. The blonde picked up the pack of blades and the gun in his hands, debating which method to use. Blowing his brains out would be quicker, but there's the chance it wouldn't work and then he'd have brain damage. Slitting his wrists could fail and then he'd end up in a hospital on a suicide watch. 'Slit my wrists and put a bullet through my skull.' Steve decided. 

Bruce was about to fucking hulk out. He would give Steve one more chance. "Open the door." He demanded calmly. 

Steve opened the box of blades and selected a shining sharp one. Glancing at Tony's arms from his spot on the bed, he placed the blade over top of the vein on his right arm. He put as much pressure on the razor as he could, pressing it down into his skin and pulling it downward. While the first time around was deep, it probably wasn't deep enough. He pulled the blade back up through his arm and down again, not stopping until he was fairly sure he'd hit bone. 

He did the same to the other arm, barely even registering the pain. Blood was pooling at his feet and soaking the carpet by the time he was finished with the razor. He tossed the blade to the side and picked up the gun. "Unlock the door after the gun goes off." The blonde commanded Jarvis in a low tone. "Yes sir." The AI responded. 

Steve raised the gun to his temple and looked at Tony's still form before closing his eyes. The cool metal felt nice against Steve's skin. It was a comfort that it was almost over. He would see Tony again and they would both finally be happy. Steve took a deep breath and pulled the trigger. 

A loud shot rang out throughout the tower, followed by the unmistakable sound of a door unlocking. Bruce clambered into the room as soon as he heard the lock and stopped in horror. Steve's body was slumped on the bed, the gun still clutched in his hand. On the wall behind him, his blood was splattered like some twisted halo around his head. 

His arms were slit open and blood was everywhere. On the bed, on his jeans, on the carpet around his feet, everywhere. Bruce barely registered the rest of the Avengers coming behind him, or their shocked gasps and cries. He had failed. And now the Avengers were down to just Clint,Thor,Nat, and himself. He hadn't saved Steve. 

They arranged the funeral the next day and three days later, everyone-even Pepper, Fury, and Maria- was gathered around as two coffins were lowered into the ground. The weather was appropriately rainy. 

Natasha had decided it was best to have them buried together. Everyone was crying and no one had the heart to speak. Fury was the only one to say a few words. 

"They were two of the best men I have ever met. It's a shame that Tony thought the way he did of himself. He thought he wasn't good enough for Steve. We all know Steve would've been back the next morning. If only Tony had held on just that much longer, they would both still be here today. They will both be missed greatly." Fury nodded solemnly to end his speech. 

As soon as the coffins were six feet under, all the guys grabbed shovels and shoveled dirt on top of the caskets. Pepper, Maria, and Natasha walked back to the car crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there it is. You guys asked for a sequel-though I doubt this is what you meant- but here you go. I had the lovely angelpocalyse help me, she writes Phan fluff so you should head over to her page if you need to recover from all the angst. Huge thanks to her for actually agreeing to help me. We worked on this for just over a week, so we really hope you enjoy it. I'd also love to thank all of you guys, I have just over one thousand hits on this story! That's a huge honor for me. I'm glad you liked it this much. Thanks guys.


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